Head

[I was wary of posting this here in case people just shrugged their shoulders and went wtf, so I put it on my blog yesterday. Enough people haven’t laughed it out of court that I’ve put it here. Sorry it’s a poem, Oli, but it was screaming to come out of my head]

head

bloodrush. milk. black.

head

diabetic priest. confessional chocolate. cunt cheese.

head

take it. whimper. gimp mask. lips.

head

bang. pottery. stairs. daddy. bang.

head.

choke. throttle. motor.

head

head

head

guitar. meth. monkey-wrench. chord.

head

wet. grey. in. pink. switchblade.

head

thrash thrash thrash thrash

thrash thrash thrash

head

there are these moments when everything is transparent and I’m seeing through me and you to the edge

head

ludicrous random

head

scab. linen. clot.

head

thrash

head

thrash

head

tulips. galileo. toner. glass.

head

glitter. snot. deelyboppers. halo.

head

thigh. neck. eyes. horizon.

head

through me and you to the edge

~ by yearzerowriters on March 28, 2010.

14 Responses to “Head”

  1. ‘there are these moments when everything is transparent and I’m seeing through me and you to the edge’ – gorgeous pivot.
    Pen

  2. Thanks, Pen. It’s about living with intrusive thoughts and compulsions, and the desperation of trying to shake them off to get to the “real you”. The line you mention is one of those moments of reality that are so cruel because they always make you think if only you slapped your head hard enough there IS a normal to get to – so you keep on and on with the rituals even though all you ever get are those glimpses.
    Dan

  3. That is so fucking true. It’s those lucid moments that are the worst of all. Sometimes I think if I just lost it completely and had no rstional voice left in me, I wouldn’t be so upset about being insane. I mean, I wouldn’t even know it, would I? But to know it, JESUS. JESUS JESUS JESUS.

    • It’s what’s always the most frightening thing about Alzheimer’s, that you see it coming.
      It gets to the stage sometimes where it makes you twitchy when you’re “well” because you know it won’t last.

  4. Love it and your comment on ‘if you only slapped your head hard enough there is a normal to get to…’

    I think most people with any scrap of self awareness will understand that. And what is normal? I always say it is those that conform to an idea of normality that to me are actually the ones who have issues. How can they not see beyond normality? Not sure if that makes sense – it is getting late!

    • Does indeed. I often think it would be a comforting existence, though, never questioning anything. but other times I think it’s worth it all for those moments.
      Dan

  5. I don’t know, Dan. This is the very first thing I’ve read of yours of which I wanna say, ‘I don’t know.’
    Let me think about it.

    • It’s most definitely not for everybody, Anne. I guess it’s the most overtly personal piece I’ve written, and I can very much understand why that would distance some people.
      Dan

  6. The synchronicity between you posting this piece and what I’m going through right now is staggering.

  7. Beautiful, yet harsh in it’s own way. It’s like somebody used you for a skipper, tossing you low over the water so you would skip of the lake surface in a brilliant series of bellysmackers.

    • Thanks🙂 It’s pretty much an exact representation of the inside of my head from when I was 7 to some time in my mid 20s
      Dan

  8. […] Dan Holloway – Awake, Head […]

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