Flying

I’m free. I’m done. I made the decision, and committed to it now. I stepped off the ledge; I walked off the cliff. I agonized for weeks—for months, really—over what to do, and today I no longer have to struggle with the decision. It’s done. So I walked out of there: Untethered, like never before. It’s liberating really: heart racing, speech already rehearsed, emotional detachment and all. Liberated, that’s a good description for it. I can breathe now. In, out. Long, body breaths. There, that’s better already. As I walk down the street I can feel every muscle in my body begin to unwind from the months-long crimp and I think about all of the implications of the decision as if for the first time. It’s a reality now, how things will have changed. It’s no longer a hypothetical. Living with this decision is permanent now. It has unlocked so many doors that I am excited by the prospects—things I never thought of before are now becoming clear. It’s a clear road ahead, I just blew open the motherfuckin doors, baby. Here I come!

It’s a heavy mist, not quite rain, and the temperature is gloriously cool. Cleansing, actually. I put on my headphones and decide to walk instead of taking the subway today, because in this beautiful moment my adrenaline is too high to travel underground. I need to be out in the air, feeling wind on my face, smiling, and cruising. People will thrive on my energy—I can’t shake this grin off. I’m walking—no, I’m flying down this street. I’m soaring on top of the crowds, the cars are stopping as I glide across the street. Music is coming through my earphones like speakers at a concert. The whole world is hearing what I’m hearing, and they’re digging it. We are all together in this, they’re all on my side. They agree: I made the right decision and I have opened doors that will make dreams come true. Nothing is going to stop me because I am fucking indestructible. I am a tsunami of positive energy and I will give life to those who want to fly with me. Bad shit just bounces off me; I can’t get bogged down now. This long wait, the struggling, the fighting, the shivering and shuddering is behind me. I am so powerful I can’t even recognize weakness now. Confidence and happiness prevail over ambivalence and melancholy for good. This is going to be a great goddamned day.

*

Fuck.

~ by yearzerowriters on March 16, 2010.

9 Responses to “Flying”

  1. Nothing like cutting the chains that bind. Very freeing. So what happened at the end? Did the MC cut the chains too completely. That would be the ultimate act of freedom. Irrevocable, though.

  2. I like how you build up and up and up – this sense of freedom and joy, the release of those ugly ties that cut off so much circulation – then stop with that sudden, one-word realization. You don’t have to say anything further to let us know where the narrator is.

    Awesome little piece.

    DJ

  3. This is a great piece, but I think what really sets it off for me is the title. Flying is one of those words you just can’t use without sparking a whole range of associations – mainly Erica Jong of course, but the other two I think of straightaway are Taichi Yamada’s haunting “I haven’t dreamed of flying for a while” and, for some reason, Garp. It’s a whole constellation of things that perfectly places the prose in my head.
    Dan

  4. Which begs the question and more pertinently a future article, about the preconceptions brought by a reader to a piece before they’ve even read word one of it. You were able to reference out to 3 things from the title alone, which helped you contextualise it for you. I didn’t make any of those associations (and never heard of the second one). Different reading experiences certainly, richer, poorer, more open, more channeled? Who can say?

    • so, I’ putting you down for Saturday…
      Dan

      • Not this Saturday no. But suggest we do some article on some theme, where we both present an argument on the same thread, which I suspect will be divergent and let the people and senate decide

        marc

        • yes, Jenn and I did one of those and it was great fun. I’d love to – we can hand out virtual obols🙂 This Sat I’ll plug next week’s event.
          Dan

  5. I hate agonizing over the title; while some put enormous amounts of energy into it. There are a hundred apt titles for this and I named it what came into head when the sense for the piece was born: flying down the street after having
    made a big decision.

    We’re often quite alone in the aftermath of these “liberating” and enormous life decisions, and as such, quite vulnerable. There’s nothing more ridiculous in this text than the statement, “nothing can stop me now.” it’s a time of rationalization–convincing yourself you’ve made the right choice. (hm, a touch of autobiography here?) and that rationalization becomes a rush.

    The drastic screeching halt is tpyical of my mood swings, maybe others’ too.

    ~jenn

  6. I love this little piece. I found myself starting in low tones then building up to louder and more powerful ones. Great writing to enable your reader to do this with you.
    I loved it.

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