I’m free. I’m done. I made the decision, and committed to it now. I stepped off the ledge; I walked off the cliff. I agonized for weeks—for months, really—over what to do, and today I no longer have to struggle with the decision. It’s done. So I walked out of there: Untethered, like never before. It’s liberating really: heart racing, speech already rehearsed, emotional detachment and all. Liberated, that’s a good description for it. I can breathe now. In, out. Long, body breaths. There, that’s better already. As I walk down the street I can feel every muscle in my body begin to unwind from the months-long crimp and I think about all of the implications of the decision as if for the first time. It’s a reality now, how things will have changed. It’s no longer a hypothetical. Living with this decision is permanent now. It has unlocked so many doors that I am excited by the prospects—things I never thought of before are now becoming clear. It’s a clear road ahead, I just blew open the motherfuckin doors, baby. Here I come!
It’s a heavy mist, not quite rain, and the temperature is gloriously cool. Cleansing, actually. I put on my headphones and decide to walk instead of taking the subway today, because in this beautiful moment my adrenaline is too high to travel underground. I need to be out in the air, feeling wind on my face, smiling, and cruising. People will thrive on my energy—I can’t shake this grin off. I’m walking—no, I’m flying down this street. I’m soaring on top of the crowds, the cars are stopping as I glide across the street. Music is coming through my earphones like speakers at a concert. The whole world is hearing what I’m hearing, and they’re digging it. We are all together in this, they’re all on my side. They agree: I made the right decision and I have opened doors that will make dreams come true. Nothing is going to stop me because I am fucking indestructible. I am a tsunami of positive energy and I will give life to those who want to fly with me. Bad shit just bounces off me; I can’t get bogged down now. This long wait, the struggling, the fighting, the shivering and shuddering is behind me. I am so powerful I can’t even recognize weakness now. Confidence and happiness prevail over ambivalence and melancholy for good. This is going to be a great goddamned day.