Emptiness feels like none of these things

Cut weft snagged on the loom

Saying it when she’s left the room

Jagged tin can edge

Ripped-paper fibre spines

Last tissue thrown with the empty box

Crumbs in a plastic bag

Hundreds and thousands on a plate

Hoover bags of carpet lint

Cinnamon dust on the table

Cum streaks sticking hairs to your leg

Tears leaking and crusting in the dreamless part of the night

The you of I love you apologising from your lips

Shoe leather sidewalk spit and gum

The healthy fragment of a tarred-up lung

The metaphor on the tip of your tongue

Emptiness feels like none of these things

~ by yearzerowriters on February 24, 2010.

23 Responses to “Emptiness”

  1. There’s no sound in a vacuum. Beautiful, Dan.

  2. Thank you. Glad it made sense. I wrote it on the train home. Sums up everything I feel ( :p) after doing the reading

  3. Its 3am (It actually, totally IS!) & I can’t sleep & this poem has really moved me. Just when I thought I’d had E. nough of emotive words for 1 day… I like the way it seems pared down yet its full to the brim.

  4. This really moved me, Dan. I’ve read it and re-read it and I find myself whispering ‘Yes’ every time!
    Beautiful poem.

  5. You’re defiantly poetic this week, man.

    • There’s a reason – see the tags. Oxford University is electing a new poetry Professor in May and someone you know is standing šŸ™‚

      • are you serious?

        I thought you said you didn’t know much about poetry?

        Well, good luck. Tar you rivals as much as you can, show your worst face, intimidate them etc.

      • Good luck to you on that appointment. I’m sure there’s no one better qualified.

      • Cool! Good luck!

      • What do we have to do for you to win?

      • As soona s we have footage from To Hell, I’ll put it on my campaign site and start serious coampaigning. First up, I need signatures from 1`2 ex members of the Uni. Then it’s alumni voting for which as much Facebookery and twitterification as possible šŸ™‚ It’s a great way to raise some really serious issues about literature and the direction of culture as a whole.

        Oli – the job entails giving 3 lectures a year it’s more important than what you have to do (perfect!!) Expect announcemnts within the next week šŸ™‚

        Thank you all!!

  6. I think my favourite bit is “Hoover bags of carpet lint / Cinnamon dust on the table” there’s something there between the two of those . . . I don’t know if they’re a pair (probably not) but they feel very real together. Reminds me of home amd all the old memories I have of it. You know, when the house was new and the carpet was new and the grout was still white.

    So it’s kind of sad, but very good.

    I’d like to see it without the first line. That way it’s just images/words filing in, creating a meaning subconsciously and knitting together and then, at the end, it becomes whole. This probably isn’t what you’re going for, I don’t mean to muck around or anything, but that’s how I like to read it. From the second line down. (This is me on my ‘subtlety’ campaign again, which you can ignore)

    • I think you might be right. In that case it would almost certainly be better if I removed the rhyme from lines two and three.

    • Oh, and I think I know, but I don’t think I’ve ever lived in a house where the grout was still white!!

      • Well, my mom and dad sort of built our house, so everything once was all nice and new. Not anymore, of course, but we’ve got the pictures to prove it!

  7. Agree with Penny about pared-down but brim-full – the old advice about less is more.

  8. Should be brimful. Is it a sign of obsessionality when you start editing your own posts? Life becomes one long proof read.

    “Less is more Lucretia”

  9. I’ve edited several books – for Routledge and others – but it’s a bad habit, which should not be encouraged.

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