SKIN BOOK #2

You said

“When I was a child I prayed to God for cancer every night, for the doctor to tell my parents ‘your son’s dying’ and them to notice they had a son. But I turned 18 and I’d never even had the flu so God and I went our separate ways.”

I said

“How does it feel to be invisible? I bet the freedom makes you kinda drunk.”

And you said

“Sometimes I ride the subway all day and no one sees me; I’ll walk the carriage and see a pair of tits and hang them in the tit gallery in my head. I look through the cloth and between the buttons and where the edge of the fabric comes loose from the skin and I trace the curve of the tits, and the pert, plump fullness of the tits and the sleek pointed skin tapering the tits to the nipples; and I go home and walk all night through the rooms of my tit gallery and I come and the voice says come on my tits and fingers touch and we come together in the tit gallery in my head.”

And I said

“Do YOU ever touch?”

You said

“I’m not some kind of fucking pervert”

And I said

“You’re exactly some kind of fucking pervert”

And you said

“So why do you hang out with me?”

I said

“You’re my fuck crush”

And you said

“I don’t wanna fuck”

And I said

“I can’t fuck”

And spent the night taking pictures on my cell phone and the day pasting them into my SKIN BOOK.

~ by yearzerowriters on October 23, 2009.

13 Responses to “SKIN BOOK #2”

  1. How’s that for a hook?!

  2. Hmm. There’s an idea – hook may be the wrong thing for me to be thinking of in a story where one of the components is, well, what it is.

    This flash fiction lark is tough – I feel more wrung out after 200 words than a full chapter normally

  3. “I’d like to book 2 tickets for the exhibition at the Tit Gallery please.”

    “What? Well no, not a full member as such. Patron? No. I am a friend of the gallery though. I’ve donated generously. Surely that entitles me to visit any number of times?”

    Dan, you are a very bad man indeed. I approve.

    Marc

  4. The thing I’ve got to do is keep people with me just long enough, and then pull them round and make them root for these two hopeless, scuzzy losers, and want them to be together.

  5. You manage to achieve a number of things in a limited number of words – most importantly, you grab the reader by the lapels and force them to read on. It’s actually very skilful writing and I’m not surprised you felt wrung out afterwards!

  6. I always thought I couldn’t see the point in flash fiction (largely because I’d tried it – unsuccessfully – several times). Then I was asked to do a writing exercise as a guest blog (http://52weeksofwordage.blogspot.com/2009/09/orange-traffic-cone-etc.html) and I ended up producing a flash fiction story and loving it. It’s incredibly hard though emotionally, and in terms of editing (it needs more polishing than poetry almost).

  7. I see a volume of flash fiction on the horizon!

  8. I like the ‘I said/you said’ structure. It has great impact for me. I’ve used a similar riff in a scene in my story ‘Love is… Deletia’ & I’m writing a new one based around that childhood game of Consequences, you know – his name/her name/where they met/he said/she said etc.
    This is an exceptionally intense & complex piece Dan – I adore these Skin Book flashes. You’re onto a brilliant thing. & I’m pleased they leave you wrung out.

    Penny (triplecherry)

  9. Penny, yes – writing should leave you wrung out, maybe even strung out. Somehow, though, I have an overwhelming desire to say I’m glad you were never my games teacher🙂

    VERY much looking forward to your consequences piece.

    Larry – Skin Book is going to be a chapbook – made up with photocopier and stapes in proper DIY style🙂

  10. I like this a lot, man. The ‘I said, you said’ breaks are much better than the ‘on my skin’ breaks from the first piece.

    All of it reads well, but the tit gallery is the moment where it goes to a higher level. It actually feels like a real thought, instead of something standard the author has come up with…even though you did come up with it. But then, perhaps it came to you. Where did that tit gallery come from?

    Oli

  11. Rhythmically it’s a completely different passage – I said/you said actually breaks the rhythm up – on my skin was more like a drumbeat that just changed the empphasis – bugger it, I’ve got 8 more to write. Better think of something else🙂

    I also have to decide which to read at the gig this Thursday – some of my work colleagues will be there. If I look them in the ask and say we come together in the tit gallery in my head they might think it a little odd. On the other hand if I say I want to feel their snot-piss-shit-come-vomit on my skin it wouldn’t be the usual way of addressing a workmate.

  12. never look a work colleague in the ask. Dangerous turf it is.

    It is my belief that we’re all merely existing until someone asks us to come together in a tit gallery. They won’t mind. You’ll be freeing them really.

    Oli, curator of tit gallery.

  13. When we put together a proper press pack, that HAS to be your bio🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: