First & Worst – Penny
THING ME A THONG
This is a thing about
This is a thing about all the things
All the things that make her shout
I know exactly what shes about
Thats why I had to kick her out
Hope it hurts
Know it hurts
Glad it hurts
I know how much you’re missing me
It fills me with a twisted glee
Even when you’re opening your mum’s fridge door
You think of me when you see the St.Dalfour
Especially Strawberry rhapsodie de Fruit
It serves you right, you crippled mute
Every girl in the street
Will always make your knees go weak
With longing just for me
The clothes you wear
you can hardly bear
because I bought them for you
It makes me laugh, you stupid moo.
You’ll never get over this
Scarred for life without my kiss
Still grovelling on my filthy floor
Slowly love limps out the door
Slightly mad, a bit of a lad
Trying hard but going bad
You will end up down the drain
Drowning in a sea of pain
But I know how to survive the cold
you will freeze
I’ll cope with ease
I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again.
Every time you spend a penny
Every time you play Shove Ha’Penny
Every time you see a penny
Pick it up, you’ll get bad luck
Pennies from heaven
Pennies from hell
You are obsessed by my very smell
Stuff your face in your sniffy pillow
Get used to being a weeping willow
As for me, I miss our sex
But you will always be my X.
SLAMMER
This is my room
She covered with hearts
It took her 12 hours
They should have been farts.
BEAUTIFUL
Once upon a time
She awoke and felt sick
So she was.
It came out her mouth
So loudly.
She shouted:
‘Help! Help!
Everything is beautiful
Especially what I decide to write.’
LIVER
My liver is having a liquid lunch
If I didn’t have diarrhoea I’d
have a munch
I know its scary but I’ve
got a hunch
I really do need someone to punch
like you
You’ll do
You stink like poo
I don’t want to love you.
12
I went to an NA meeting with my friend Sarah’s boyfriend. He is a crack head. I went because he badgered me.
When we were there, I sniggered because everyone was cuddling each other and one of us was Robbie Williams – a pop star of some repute. It was daft and made me mad for a drink. 12 steps? I can’t even walk.
And this was written when I was on yet another doomed home detox:
WAGON
Pubs in summer look so fine
Think of all that ice cold wine
Pubs in summer look full of cheer
Think of all that ice cold beer.
So I’m standing safe out here
Shedding a Caffe Latte tear.
Pubs in summer look so pretty
Shame they make me feel so shitty
Some can take booze in their stride
But my mouth is open wide
It always gets me deep inside
Once I start I cannot stop
I will drink until I drop
Then I’ll get up and do it again
Not even caring about the pain.
I can’t go to Starbucks
Coz they don’t let you smoke
So I go to the Cafe Allegro
It makes me choke
All those lucky sensible twits
Sipping on their little nips
Eating potatoes in their skins
I’d like to kick their smug cold shins.
Gulping down my cranberry juice
There is no way to call a truce.
Get this killer out of my life
It won’t help if I become your wife
I prefer girls with all those curls
I’m fascinated by their furls
Trouble is they all drink shit loads
Seems to me I’m fucking toads.
My bottoms up, my tits are drooping
Odds on I’ll soon be stooping.
Still using all my force
Unfortunately I’ll lose of course.
I am married to myself
And filing for a quick divorce.
Honesty always shines through. Thank you for sharing this gem, Penny.
“I am married to myself
And filing for a quick divorce.” – that’s brilliant
Dan
There’s a lot of rich stuff here. Buried with the hubris of a writer just finding her form and the usual awkward conventions and missteps.
My drug of choice was never alcohol, but I have known many alcoholics. It is rather hard on you at the advanced stages, I’m glad you managed to master that monster.
very painful, raw, and gritty. You’re an amazing writer, Penny
I’m struck–stung sometimes–by the wit, the humor, that you manage to poke through this.
This is actually a lot of fun, but not in a funny way, really – CityDifferent is right to note the wit and humor of it, it’s almost savage and child-like, a need for revenge, to tell the story however you can. I love this:
All those lucky sensible twits
Sipping on their little nips
Eating potatoes in their skins
I’d like to kick their smug cold shins.
That’s brilliant – and you can taste it. It’s worth keeping and savoring for later.
DJ
I applaud u 4 sharing this & I hope it was cathartic. As always your word play is outstanding. That said, in the interests of full disclosure I’ll add that I share Bukowski’s disdain for “rhymers” so I’m a bit underwhelmed.Loved the pic.Your humour was shining thru even back then.I’m very glad I happened upon your work & I applaud how far u’ve come since this “First & Worst”.
I love ‘Liquid Lunch.’ Can’t explain why, but it seems to get right to the punch. Thanks for sharing this. It must not have been very easy to do.