There are no chupacabras in the restroom [Octagonal Beasts]

•November 7, 2011 • 2 Comments

Because there are no chupacabras in the restroom, she is relaxed and at one. This glaring absence of chupacabras makes it easy to open the door and walk in and even to be alone in there. They simply don’t exist, you see. And let’s say they did…

It’s quiet in here and minty in smell and minty is the light.

But look let’s just say that they did exist, it would be out in the country, where there are plenty of goats to suckle on. The only people who see them – who WOULD see them – are old cowboys, who see a lot of things, a lot of crazy things and only some of the things they see are real.

And these cowboys are very far away, also. Off in Sonora. Not in Tijuana.

Rosalita takes one shiny patent leather shoe and pushes the door of the cubicle open. It’s peppermint. That’s the specific mint. She has it.

She expected the door to swing wide open. It swings only about 20 centimeters before stopping silently.

She keeps her foot in the air. She is stuck in the moment of uncertainty. If she changes nothing, maybe nothing will change and eventually someone will come in the room and it won’t matter so much whether there is a chupacabra in there or not.

Won’t someone please just come and make things not matter?

Please come.

Her leg trembles like atoms.

A hiss comes from behind the door. A sucking hiss.

She turns and runs and hears barking, like if a donkey barked, and she hears skittering and she hears the sound of a big splash like a long tail thrashing into the toilet bowl.

Why is this room so clean? Why is the floor so clean and so slippery? Why does she run and run but go nowhere? Why are her legs so soft and numb. She is a dancer. She has strong legs. But they don’t move.

What they do is bend and she falls on the floor and she covers her arms over her head and maybe he will just chew her arms off.

He strikes.

The Hernandez sisters come in and find her. The Hernandez sisters are notorious liars and/or dreamers. There account is unreliable. Rosalita will have to tell people that again and again for the next few weeks.

Their account is that they came in and the room was empty except for Rosalita who was biting at her own arm and whose mouth was red like a tomato full of teeth and that’s why the blazer was ripped open.

Rosalita knows that she is ruining her life (again) but she tells the truth. It was a big claw that ripped her open and that the restroom window should not be open so how do you explain that, how is that explained?

After he sews her up they ask Dr Pacheco and he says, “What…do I look like Quincy?” and he acts like it is a big deal for him to explain that this is a TV show about a forensic pathologist who is more like a Sherlock Holmes but of course it is really just a great chance to remind everyone that he got his degree up in the USA.

The nuns come to visit her at home the next day. They come in full costume. They read their exorcism books the night before, but that was really more because even the life of a nun needs a little spice.

Really it is just a little chat about the devil in general and the chupacabra in specific and how they would prefer it if she could be more on the lookout for the devil and less on the look out for the chupacabra, which is just a scaly kangaroo and furthermore is not real.

She nods and receives the ghastliness of nun hugs in return.

She survives five more such attacks before graduation and – naturally – this changes her.

At One Time

•November 5, 2011 • Leave a Comment

At one time, the dead walked among the living.  While they no longer needed their corporeal bodies, some chose to hang on to them. There were those who were particularly stubborn and held on to their corpses until they were little more than dust.  Some of the living said it took effort to do so, but others insisted that it couldn’t have been difficult because everyone knew the dead were lazy – although it would have been impolite to say so in front of them.  They liked to be catered to and respected.

The old and the spiteful in particular would keep their bodies animated as long as possible.  It was not uncommon to see a family leading a confused maggot-filled corpse back to the gravesite where all would cajole and bribe the spirit to leave the body once and for all.  Promises were made of frequent visits with flowers and sweets.  In time, elaborate rituals were developed in order to coax out the spirit, and those who were particularly skilled in this form of persuasion were sought out and well-paid.

While nobody knew the ultimate fate of the spirit once it had left the body, these persuaders would tell elaborate tales of special lands and the joy that awaited the new arrivals on some distant shore.  At first anyone who could tell a convincing story became a persuader, but later there were restrictions.  In some lands only men were allowed this position. In others it would fall to a certain caste.

Still the walking dead continued to be a nuisance. While one might be able to ignore even the most obnoxious and persistent of ghosts, a decaying corpse always called attention to itself.

More rituals were developed and people began to pray regularly for the dead always adding expressions such as, “May they rest in peace.”

The concept of a separate place, “an afterlife” often high up, far away, and close to the gods was invented.  The living at first did not believe in such a place.  It was something they told the dead about – the way a parent might talk to a pesky child – hoping they could convince them to go away and find it for themselves.

The world was becoming a faster paced and growing smaller. It was no longer practical for the dead, even in spirit form, to remain so constant a presence.

Commerce had been invented.  The living had begun to build cities and trade in marketplaces. The streets of the cities were becoming overcrowded.  One would see the living usually involved in the process of buying or selling or some other type of work related to those occupations.  They were busy and hardly even had time to chat.  The dead in spirit form looked not so different from the living, although they moved about more slowly, if at all.  A dead person in spirit form could stand in the same spot for an indefinite amount of time.  After all, where did he have to go? What was the rush?

The living could simply barge through them – which some people believed was rude or bad luck and there was often the possibility that one could be mistaken — that very old woman with the tattered cloak was in fact alive and not too happy when the young man in a rush tried to walk though her.

And people became even more impatient about the corpses.

By this time it was considered vulgar to continue to occupy one’s body after death. The knowledge that a skeletal matriarch ruled a household could kill the prospects for marriage for generations. But there was no reasoning with a corpse.

Some cultures began the practice of ritual cannibalism to keep this from happening.

Others adopted cremation, which became popular although the wood and oil necessary were costly and the religious guilds kept the prices too high for most of the common people who began to break away and perform their own rituals, home made cures for the problem.

Eventually, people demanded more, a final solution.

The religious guilds were broken so that cremations could be performed more cheaply.  And when they weren’t, the coffins were nailed shut and buried several meters under the ground and gates placed around the cemeteries making it very difficult for the dead to reanimate their bodies and escape from the grave.

Over time, the dead forgot how to animate or reanimate anything, and even if a body had been left out in the open, it remained still as stone until moved by the living.

These measures took care of the corpses, but did nothing about the ghosts.

Progress had become popular, and the dead were incapable of understanding it.  The patriarchs and matriarchs of families would continue to try to hold power for as long as they could.  They would demand the finest clothes, even though they couldn’t wear them.  The best furniture though they couldn’t sit, the richest foods which were brought to them in elaborate displays and left to spoil or to be eaten by vermin.  They would forbid marriages, and demand the living carry out ancient vendettas.

There were sons and daughters who could never marry.  Even beyond the grave their parents demanded to be cared for.  And women who did marry had it worse.  They were never allowed to ascend to their proper place in the household.  Their husband’s mother, or grandmother or great-grandmother or even beyond would still hold sway.

Of course the dead would go off somewhere or fade away, but this process could take anywhere from one to twenty generations and there were a few particularly stubborn dead people who were not easily persuaded to “give up the ghost.”

The dead, even in spirit form, could be unseemly.  Sometimes a man who died in his prime would continue to husband a woman as she became older and the sight of a decrepit old woman with her dead young spouse was not uncommon.  More problematic were the lonely dead who would try to persuade their partners to join them.  They could be very persistent, whispering in the ear of their spouse day and night.  Children were orphaned because their father had stabbed himself in the chest to be with their dead mother.  And while both parents would continue to “occupy” the house, they were unable to provide or nurture their living offspring in any meaningful way.

More elaborate stories were invented to control the spirits.  In addition to “heaven,” rumors were spread that if they went beyond the cemetery gate they would disappear.  Of course it only took one brave spirit to walk out and come back to tell the others and cause a mass exodus.  So the living developed other strategies.   They began to ignore the dead except on a few special holidays each year when they would be honored, but even then they would no longer be spoken to directly.  This became the law, and the living who chose to continue speaking with their dead friends and family did so at great risk to themselves. They could be accused of heresy, burned as witches, or locked away as insane. And while offerings might be made in one’s home to one’s parents or grandparents, they no longer had to be made to one’s most distant ancestors no matter how much those ancestors complained.

The living found this strategy worked.  Nothing frustrated the dead as much as not being paid attention to, and if the living stopped speaking to them and reminding them who they had been, they soon forgot and faded away.  Homes were made less hospitable to the dead by the use of certain herbs that they found to be particularly unpleasant.  One still might see them drifting around the town but they were for the most part easy to ignore.

Of course for the first few hundred years of this phase, things were awkward.  It could be almost comical at times.   A woman might be sitting in a chair next to her dead husband, might know perfectly well that he was there, his arm around her shoulder, his mouth almost touching her cheek.

“Oh I miss him so!  If only he were here.”  And of course she knew that he was, saw him as plainly as the bowl of fruit on the table.

Angry and frustrated the deceased would lash out even managing to move objects or create temperature changes while the living went on pretending that it was only the “wind.”

Later the living came to fervently believe the myths they had created about the magical realms that awaited the dead. It made them feel less guilty about neglecting them, and offered a way to convince the dead to leave.  In time, the living became so convinced that the dead were in fact someplace else that they no longer needed to pretend not to see them.  They automatically rationalized away the evidence that their senses provided.  The dead became quiet and meek also believing the stories.  They felt it was their own fault they were still around, that they must have done something, or neglected to do something that caused their continued presence.

Some of the loudest, angriest dead would not accept the blame for their condition.  They would continue to “haunt” their relatives.  When their outbursts could not be explained away as natural phenomena, special rituals to appease and exorcise them continued to be used, up until modern times.

Others stayed behind at the cemeteries waiting and waiting until the boat came, or the coachman or whomever it was they were told about.  Some just drifted away, faded into nothingness, embarrassed, feeling that they must have failed somehow.  Some wandered searching for eons or formed their own communities.  A few even performed rituals of their own where they would lead the newly dead away from the living and pretend they were going toward the mythical good place.  They believed they were helping their brethren by doing this.  Even though the newly dead would eventually figure out they were only drifting, by that time they would have adjusted to the situation and been less disappointed.

At some point the living started to really despise the dead.  Widows could hardly wait to burn their husbands’ clothes.  People avoided cemeteries and houses said to contain spirits. No one even remembered the reason for this contempt, but like most prejudices it began with the suppression of a crime committed against the oppressed.

After hundreds of years of ignoring the dead, the living lost the ability to communicate with them even when they wished to.  They could no more hear them than they could hear sounds too high pitched for a dog’s ears.  Some children were still able to see and hear them, but this ability, which was held in disdain by adults and never nurtured, would wither away by the age of six or seven.

The divide between the living and the dead was complete and in some ways things were much better than they had been before.  Food offerings no longer had to be made daily.  Even if the dead were standing with their hands pointing to their mouths demanding or begging to be fed, to have the unbearable and constant hunger assuaged, they were given at most (and only by the devout) a few morsels a couple of times a year.  The rest of the harvest could go to feed the living and no one had to starve. Oldest sons grew up knowing that someday they would be in charge of a business or a farm with no one standing by their side constantly haranguing them with advice that might have made sense a hundred years before.  Women raised their children in peace.  And if by misfortune the child died they mourned it and moved on, had other children so life could continue.  And if it was the mother who died in childbirth, then the father would find another wife, a living wife to care for the babies left behind and give him more.

And of course our streets and houses were less crowded, much less crowded.  Progress was achieved.  Commerce uninterrupted.  Old things could be thrown away without fear of offense, until finally the world was inhabited by people who didn’t even know what existed before they were born.  Without the dead to tell them otherwise, each generation believed that the world was created just for them.

Dinner Engagement

•October 9, 2011 • 2 Comments

“At last, the infamous James,” Peter announced as the new arrival walked into the restaurant.

He was late. The group had already started drinking.  Sarah had had two mojitos, unusual for her on an empty stomach. Except of course for Peter, they were all meeting James for the first time. Everyone stood up and offered him either a handshake or a kiss.

Sarah thought a kiss would be more appropriate. She was aiming for his cheek and missed. Later she’d wonder if the lip-to-lip smack had been intentional on his part. Pulling away, she felt herself flush, but nobody seemed to notice.

James and Peter had similar eyes, and almost identical noses. James’ mouth was fuller, his hair a bit thicker. They weren’t very different. And yet, Sarah thought, next to his mysterious older brother, Peter looked like a copy made when the machine was low on toner.

There were six of them at the table, including Sarah’s former roommate Samantha, who’d been invited to even out the boy-to-girl ratio, although Peter had warned Sarah that Sammy wasn’t James’ type.

“What is his type?” Sarah had asked.

“Oh, you know. The usual.  Lady in the living room, whore in the bedroom.”

Throughout dinner, Sarah found her eyes going to his. James didn’t speak much. His voice was like Peter’s, but deeper.  Later she’d recall little of what he had actually said.

Between the entre and the coffee, Sarah excused herself to use the ladies’.  It was far from the table, downstairs past the bar.

He was standing beside the door when she exited.

He grabbed her, or did she grab him?

They kissed, this time intentionally, sweetly, sloppily.

She pulled away.  “I… I must have had too much to drink,” she muttered.

He put his hand on her bare arm. It was like he’d flipped a switch and turned on a light she forgot existed.

Somehow they both wound up in the bathroom.  Had she pulled him in or was it his idea?  It was she who bolted the door.

He pushed her against the wall and put a hand under her dress.

“Don’t… Stop.”

“Don’t stop?”

She leaned into him. Her hand went to his zipper.

It was over in a few minutes.

She returned to the table first.

It was Samantha who asked, “Did you see James? He seems to have disappeared.”

Peter said, “He’s good at that. Disappearing acts. He said he was going out for a smoke.” Then he turned to Sarah, “Granted, not the most reliable of men, but what do you think of the putative best man?”

“He’ll do,” she said, a shaky hand grabbing a coffee cup.

——–
Author’s note: Not the type of stuff I usually write, but there was a flash fiction contest with a prompt and this is a slightly modified version of what I came up with. Thoughts and comments welcome. For those of you unfamiliar with my work, please check out my page here or my blog.

Turntable Eulogy

•October 2, 2011 • 3 Comments

Stuart Estell’s novel Verruca Music is available in paperback or ebook. Click here for details

I give thanks for the joyful noise of my now-deceased Pioneer turntable and praise its  holy name.

 

This most sacred of objects was handed down from father to son, and, at the time of its passing, was thirty-nine years old. It leaves behind indelible sonic memories.

 

I give thanks to my deceased Pioneer turntable for the afternoon it spent playing both sides the 12″ single of Far Gone and Out by The Jesus and Mary Chain that I bought half-price in Woolworths in King’s Heath. It played them over and over again.

 

I give it thanks for my first exposure to “Screamadelica” by Primal Scream in 1992, which I borrowed from a schoolfriend named Fred, and which at the time I absolutely hated. But it sowed the seeds.

 

I give it thanks for my first exposure to “Psychocandy” by The Jesus and Mary Chain. The storm of feedback is still lodged firmly in my brain and my ears. Its gift will never leave me.

 

I give it thanks for my first exposure to “White Light/White Heat” by The Velvet Underground, which I borrowed from a schoolfriend named Steven. I listened to Sister Ray and watched the picture disc spin round and round and round and round. Steven once took the chance of ‘phoning me so that he could volunteer to replace me as singer in the band I fronted. I refused and suggested he play drums instead. He didn’t.

 

I give it thanks for my first exposure to “Dragnet” by The Fall, which I borrowed from my friend Ian. It was a hot summer, and mum described the song Printhead as “raucous” – she certainly got that right – but strangely enough didn’t ask me to turn it off.

 

I give it thanks for my first exposure to Velocity Girl by Primal Scream, which in contrast to “Screamadelica” I loved instantly and consider to this day to be the finest one minute and twenty seconds of pure jangly pop I have ever heard.

 

I give it thanks for the hours spent sitting on the floor in the dining room, leaning against the wall, head back, eyes closed, listening to Shostakovich quartets, Mahler symphonies, assorted Messiaen, Webern, Stravinsky and anything else I could borrow from Birmingham Central Library.

 

I give it thanks, nearly twenty years later, for my renewed acquantance with Screamadelica. I saw sense eventually, and my now-deceased Pioneer turntable played the red vinyl 180 gramme reissue beautifully.

 

I praise it for its smoked plastic dust-cover, even though it was an absolute pain as it would no longer stay open on its hinges, making the simple act of turning a record over something of a challenge.

 

I praise it for its reliable belt-drive, its pleasing adjustable arm-weight, and the immensely satisfying metallic noise made by the arm that moved the tone-arm between the “up”, “on-up”, and “down” positions.

 

I praise it for its dated 1970s fake teak casing, and slightly dangerous-looking wiring.

 

It died as it would have wished: spinning the limited edition blue vinyl pressing of “West” by Wooden Shjips. May the psychedelic sounds of Ripley Johnson’s Airline guitar accompany it to a better place, where it will rejoin its sister amplifier, the death of which preceded it by a year.

 

And I mourn it because it was my dad’s, and I thought it might – just might – outlive him, as a part of our shared past, as something to be cherished.

 

S.E. 23.9.11

 

Niagara Part 5

•September 28, 2011 • 2 Comments

I am Kimono girl

I have come from over the sea

Moving only as your marionette

Your wires holding me

Together

For I am the full moon

But without you

I fly apart

Like a white hole

I came broken from across the sea

Because you told me

You like the water

I watch the sunrise over Niagara Falls

Apollo cast on the mist

Turning it pure red in the breeze of the dawn

And all the water

150,000 per second

Rushes like the blood in my veins

Racing here to meet you

We are bound soul to soul

And this is our ceremony

You have come to meet me

My betrothed

So I will scrub the dirt from our new house

Replace it with the sheen of open wounds

And I will build a picket fence

From spine

From rib cage

From bones picked clean by your hungry teeth

I will look upon you

Killer

And I will tell you

You are beautiful

Twisted, crazed, quiet

U R mine

Computer Kid

I am URs

Because I’m in love with you

And we are wed

We are wed in Niagara

Happily ever after

My betrothed

Killer

Like a fairy tale

From hell.

I am Killer

I have come for you

Through a head-on collision

My face ripped from me

My other bodies dead

There were so many me’s

I have killed them all

To be one with you

My Kimono Girl

You know what I’ve done

Guns, bombs and world war three

Be all I can be

To be here with you

I remember nothing true

Layer upon layer of false memory

Because only you

Are real to me

Herr Mengele

Ain’t got nothin’ on me

My head full of vibrant monsters

To chase away your fears

As a child

I ate the other children

Young teeth on kiddie flesh

Tender

Torn

Ich bin Gott

And they are nothing to me

OFFICIALLY

I have been beaten

Scarred

Tarred

Feathered

And jacked up the ass

Like a Rottweiler

It’s been a hell of a night, Miss

But behind this little boy

Lies something else

I have never let you see

A master

Manipulator

Fearsomely frail

Wicked

And URs alone

I have hunted you

I’ve tracked you down

I’ve got a score to settle with you

U R Mine

Kimono Girl

We are bound soul to soul

And you have come here to meet me

This is our ceremony

And we are wed

We are wed in Niagara

Liberate Tutemae Ex Inferis?

Keine

Ich denk NEIN

Haud subterlabor

Babe

Because I’m in love with you

Your compassion for me is

Unique

And

Beautiful

And I will never let you go.

 

 

 

Niagara Part 4

•September 4, 2011 • 2 Comments

Without you I am nothing

I lay here

I ran through night streets wet

I cut red and I burned white

And I punched myself black and blue

I ached so hard it turned me inside out

For we are inside out

And I am beautiful.

In dreams we do bloodshed

To one another

All over the walls and the floor

And the bed

And we drink of each other

Until I am you

And you are me

And you are beautiful.

I am kimono girl

I am soft

I am demure

And I am a black tsunami on fire

Clothed in burning stars

I am frozen

Waiting only for you

My killer

My computer kid

My soldier

Mine alone.

I am the full moon

Pulling the black waters over the lands

A deluge borne of a love

That bounces like the universe

Coming into creation

And as hyper-clusters thrive and bear our forbidden fruit

Aeons contained within a quietly spoken

I’m in love with you.

All my life has led me to you

Every moment

Thought

Fear

Longing

Need beyond need

For you

My killer

My soldier

My computer kid

Every moment of my life has led me to you

Who are you?

Who R U?

The caterpillar said.

I wait here for the white rabbit

You will send me the white rabbit

And I will follow him

To you.

I am kimono girl

Clothed in burning stars

I am frozen

Waiting only for you

I do not know who I am

But I am the full moon

Super Moon black tsunami on fire

Because in dreams we do bloodshed to one another

All over the bed

And the walls

And the floor

And we drink of each other

Until you are me

And I am you

Who R U?

U R Mine

And so I go west

To Niagara

You will meet me in Niagara

For you told me you like the water

As unstoppable as that which I cannot contain

As unstoppable as that which you kill.

I am the full moon

Pulling the black waters over the lands

A deluge borne of a love

That bounces like the universe

Coming into creation

And as hyper-clusters thrive and bear our forbidden fruit

Aeons contained within a quietly spoken

I’m in love with you.

Niagara Part 3

•August 29, 2011 • 3 Comments

Deep underground, where they keep the bombs
that explode like giant springtime blooms

Fragrant with half-life for hundreds of
years

I’ve seen so many of those on so many
screens

Over and over and over

Sodium Pentathol

Deep underground, like a Rottweiler

Since I was so young

Like a soldier

Identify yourself

Soldier

Killer.

There were more me’s

Than just me

So many me’s

Deep underground, deep inside

Comatose for months

Sodium Pentathol

Lysergic
acid diethylamide

And on a
loop I hear daddy’s voice

Tell me

I am boy

I am
killer

I am
soldier

Identify
yourself

Soldier

And take
it up the ass

Like a
Rottweiler

I told them I hated it

Herr Mengele

Daddy.

We pushed deep underground

World War Three

Be all you can be

Go! Go! Go!

And still I creep through these woods

And I scare the shit out of myself

I am killer

I am computer kid

I am Rottweiler

I am soldier

Identify yourself

Soldier

Sieg Heil

So you should fear me

I want that

Wrapped in black

Shadow and death are warm comfort

Illuminated by fragrant half-life blooms

Exploding like springtime

On so many screens

Meteor strike, enemy strike, sniper strike

Mommy, she sees nothing.

Mind Kontrolle

We were killer

We were Rottweiler

Do you know what I’ve done?

And
now, I’m done, again

I’m done

Cut loose

My road leads east

East to Niagara

Sodium Pentathol

It’s like a head-on collision

Amnesiac memory ripped like limbs and steel

Broken and bloody but free.

 

 
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